We tend to be so concerned with our own interests that we pay little or no attention to the interests of others. But people listen with more attention if they feel you have understood them. They tend to think that those who understand them are intelligent and sympathetic people whose own opinions may be worth listening to. Put in a nutshell: – if you want other people to appreciate your interests, begin by demonstrating that you appreciate theirs.
It also helps to acknowledge that the matters each of you are clinging to may be part of the overall problem you are both trying to resolve. Whether in politics, at the workplace or in the family, many issues become the source of major conflict because the time is not taken to listen to the other person’s point of view. You don’t have to agree, just listen.
The time it takes to listen now, can save a lot of time in conflict later.
Holding a grudge is like holding on to a piece of coal with the aim of throwing it at someone.
I heard that back in primary school. Didn’t really make much sense to me back then. However, as I got older it began to hit home.
Someone has done or said something to hurt us and we hold on to the hurt, we cling to it as if holding on to a rope as we dangle over the edge of a cliff.
This grudge, this hot lump of coal is burning the flesh off the palm of our hand as we wait for the person who hurt us to come into range so that we can throw it at them.
All this time the person has been getting on with their life. While we are agonising with this piece of hot coal. If the person did mean to hurt us, they have won twice. First from the initial incident and then the years of additional suffering we have inflicted on ourselves.
Don’t give them the satisfaction. Throw down that hot lump of coal.
Are you scared of your potential? Are you afraid that if you work towards being all you can be, you may not be able to handle the responsibility that will surely be part of the package?
If yes, you may be settling for much less than what is satisfying and meaningful. Some people accept the mediocre because they can’t pull together the sense of pride of purpose which would allow them to move beyond ordinary.
I can share with you that I felt that way some years ago. I got some help from a good friend who said, “Try to go beyond the simple need to fit in and appreciate your own uniqueness. Accept the fact that you can and do make a difference.”
He said, “If you conduct your life from the perspective that you can achieve almost anything you put your mind to. You will notice that mediocre is no longer good enough. You will be inspired to break from mere routine and explore the wealth of potential within you.”
That advice was of tremendous help back then and continues to push me forward today.